I have been on a bit of a blogging hiatus, and I think I have figured out why. Ever since we moved to California, I have had much more free time on my hands, and much of that time is alone time. Just me, alone with my thoughts and feelings, and actually having time to think those thoughts, and feel those feelings! Couple that with the new state, new living arrangements, homesickness, and first pregnancy, and I have had a lot of thoughts and feelings. I have sat down so many times and tried to get them out on this blog, but I could never bring myself to do it. I felt as though they had all jammed together and created a bottleneck, making it so nothing could get out.
I just recently decided to start writing again for myself. Just me. In a notebook. With a pen. (Oh the hand cramps!) I cannot tell you how good it feels not to have to self-edit, find the perfect photos to accompany my writing, or try to make sense of the jumble of words that come out. Kristin has reminded me through her own words, that writing is a gift of mine. It always has been. It may never be publicly acknowledged, or turn into a career, but it is something that has been given to me, and it is something that I love. We write to remember, but we also write to receive. To receive revelation, inspiration, relief, and to just figure stuff out.
I have been feeling much more private recently. Whatever the reason may be, I think that is OK. It is OK for me to keep stories and experiences to myself, and to do something for no other reason than that it makes me happy. The fact that this notebook is for absolutely no one but myself, is incredibly liberating.
So for now, I ask you to bear with me. I love blogging, and the relationships and connections I have formed because of it. There is something just as liberating about putting something out there where anyone can see it. But I can’t do that without also having something just for me. Considering my personality, I should have figured this out awhile ago. Now that I have, I hope to get back to sharing parts of my life. But only parts, and only when it feels right.
I love that we are always evolving as individuals, and that public forums can reflect that. I hope blogging is always a part of me. I now know that writing always will be.